When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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