just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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