Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
