It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
