I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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