I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
