You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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