Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
