Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
