I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
