Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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