i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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