cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
