And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
