you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
