Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
