I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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