he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
