when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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