if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
