Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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