i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
someone owes me an orgasm
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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