I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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