hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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