Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Help. Why am I so naked?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
