He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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