She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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