'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
