My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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