You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
