If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
