I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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