YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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