you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
