I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
