She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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