it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
