it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
this is an emotional support booty call
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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