Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
