My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
