have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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