White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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