I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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