All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize