just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The uberlube is also flammable
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
