You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
