Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
