Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
