i always forget guys have bellybuttons
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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