I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
