my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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