Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
pray to the hookup gods
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
