youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
