do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize