I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
