I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
