if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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