drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
