After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
