Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
