Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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