i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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