You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
