Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
