I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
