Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
