you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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