He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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