Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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