To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
