Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
