Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize