made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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