I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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