And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
