Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
