So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They took my balls.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize