Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
