Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
