I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
