so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
