Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize