i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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