You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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