I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi†so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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