dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
