Can i not drive my cunt home
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
