I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
