told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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