You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
